ic contact

[squanderlust]

This is Severa. If you have need of me, write me a message here. I'll respond when I can.

Comments

[squanderlust]

[and here Severa is, the wound still fresh, her pen flying off the page as she writes. it's the longest thing she's written in one sitting in what she believes may be ever, but the pain in her hand is nothing compared to the pain in her heart.]

Lord Navarro,

If you are so interested in having us bare our hearts to each other as though that is the only way for us to continue getting along, allow me to respond in kind.

Cordelia, my mother. Gaius, my father. Olivia, Lucina's mother. Chrom, Lucina's father and rightful Exalt of Ylisse. Sumia, Cynthia's mother. Frederick, Cynthia's father. Nowi, Nah's mother. Libra, Nah's father. Tharja, Noire's mother. Lon'qu, Noire's father. Panne, Yarne's mother. Lady Tiki, avatar of Naga. Robin, the greatest tactician the Ylissean army has ever known. Lissa, princess of Ylisse. Henry. You know him. Duke Virion and his vassal, Cherche. Basilio and Flavia, Khans of Ferox. Lady Maribelle of Themis. Princess Say'ri of Chon'sin. Miriel and Ricken and Gregor and Kellam and Vaike and Donnel. Queen Emmeryn of Ylisse and her retainer, Phila.

And when the clock turned back. When Naga brought us all to a timeline before Grima ravaged the land. Queen Emmeryn a second time. Robin a second time.

When I arrived here, all those I had not lost when Naga gave us our second chance. Inigo, Lucina's brother. Owain, Lucina's cousin. Cynthia, the woman I did not yet know I would grow to love. Brady, Lady Maribelle's son and a valued healer. Kjelle, Sully's daughter and a knight of no equal. Laurent, a brilliant mage and Miriel's son. Gerome, wyvern rider and son of Cherche. Yarne. Morgan. Surely you remember them.

And when I left for Nohr, the fortress faded from my memory. It was not lost forever, but it may as well have been. All my happiness. All my life experiences. All my growth as a person, all the warmth I had fostered in my breast. All of it, lost to the annals of memory.

When I arrived in Nohr, all I took with me were Owain and Inigo. Everyone who had survived Grima's attack was lost to me. Trapped in a pocket in space I could no longer return to without begging for another miracle from another of the gods. I accepted this willingly. I etched this pain into my heart for the sake of peace that I could not guarantee.

When I came back here from Nohr, I lost my daughter. My husband. My lady and the entire royal family. Lady Camilla. Lady Elise. Lord Leo and Lord Xander. The Ladies Corrin and Azura, who guided Nohr through its most troubled times with nothing but faith as their guide. I would go on, but I would hate to bore you at this point, Lord Navarro. Allow me to say for good measure that their lives are still in danger even if they do still exist, and I am one of three people who knows it. The weight of that entire world rests on my shoulders.

These lists say nothing of those I have lost while in the fortress. They say nothing of Hotaru Tachibana, to whom I bared my heart after the disappearance of the woman I loved most. Of Jonathan Joestar, the man who showed me that living in fear of Dio was not the only way to go through my life. Of Naminé, who even in her brief time taught me that being soft does not make one weak.

Of watching helplessly as I lost my father for a third time. Of seeing my beloved Noire unravel, then watching her head roll and her body crumble to dust as the madness overtook my body and I thought I could truly create something from nothing. Of wondering, time after time, will it ever be worth being honest with anyone? They won't remember me. They'll disappear like the others. Yarne again. Morgan again. Henry again, and then Henry again. Charlotte, the only other person from Nohr to ever come here. Lady Tiki again. Even an avatar of Naga can't stop this.

I have lived through three wars and come out with less and less after every victory. Even the smallest victories I allow myself to claim each day. The strength it takes to rise out of bed, knowing as I know all too well that today may be the day my Exalt disappears. Today may be the day I wake up alone. And if it were as simple as willing my heart to harden, I would have done it by now.

Do not ever speak to me of loss as though you understand what I have lived with since birth.

[poisoninmypocket]

Severa,

I will not fight battles of grief with you. We will both be losers at the end of it. I will simply continue to say I'm sorry for upsetting you further and hope there is something more that you can find with the people you consider close to you. I will not call on you again unless you contact me first.

Best,
Monty

[squanderlust]

You approached me with no regard for my own emotions solely to tell me the grief you feel over the people no longer with you. If you truly cared about me, rather than about making me feel sympathy for you, you would have been there at my side to offer me condolences, to speak to me, to hold me.

You started a battle of grief with me. I suppose we can add this to the scant pile of things you've lost.

[poisoninmypocket]

Goodnight, Severa, and be as well as you can be in this trying hour.

[That's his only reply. He's too frustrated with her. What had his first words been? To tell her sorry, to ask if she would be all right, to explain. She's beyond reasoning right now, and he's not going to throw himself against that wall when all she's going to do is keep hurting him when he tries to make amends.]