ic contact

[squanderlust]

This is Severa. If you have need of me, write me a message here. I'll respond when I can.

Comments

Text (sorry for Monty's tl;dr)

[poisoninmypocket]

[It's later in the evening, after others had gone home from the meeting that Monty sits down to write to the woman whose hysterical outburst had nearly stopped it entirely. He's frustrated with her, but Severa is still his friend - or she's been a friend. That had been his impression, at least. He wants to rail at her for what she'd said, post a list of names at her with how they are important and special and lost to him.

But that would be unproductive and only drive some wedge further between them. He can empathize with her more than he would like to mention. It doesn't remove his own upset, but it tempers his words.]

Severa,

I wanted to apologize for distressing you so completely today. It was certainly not my intention to do so. When I asked if everyone could please meet at my cottage today, I did not receive any responses to the negative. I had thought that settled the matter, but as others pointed out to me at the meeting, the timing was not ideal, and I could have proactively decided to push it to some other time.

As I said, though, King Sinbad's disappearance fueled some of my fervor, along with the hope that having something concrete and productive to focus on might have take away some of the pain in our hearts.

I realize I have not been a very good friend to you, if indeed, that is what I would like to count myself as to you. I have offered you condolences, spoken to you, held you, but I do not speak to you of my life beyond our sphere of two except in odd instances. I understand that you have lost more than most here, and recently at that.

But I confess your words cut me to the core. I began counting the missing, cataloging their names because one of the very first men we lost was a man I owe my life to: Ruby. He saved me when we first arrived here, and he was a strange, but good friend. When we first arrived here, we had no refuge, we had no cottages or sanctuary or taverns or parks. We had a disparate, confused group of people who had two very confusing guides, no answers for our questions, and each other. We faded more quickly than we do now, our powers of belief were nascent, and Ms. Eudaimonia and Mr. Mencius provided us with almost all of the food and water we had for the first month.

There was a woman named Lucina, her swordswoman, Severa, and her manakete, Nah. They helped establish some order in our camp, sorted out hunting for food, tried to figure out ways to make water with some of our cleverest minds, gave people some purpose and hope as we spent days walking. I admired all of them. Lucina taught me how to make a snare and spoke to me of a war fought across time itself, Severa showed me some of her sword techniques, and Nah and I shared a love and passion for reading together, just speaking to wile away the march. And then we lost two of them. Nah was alone, there was an empty place in our company where those two women had stood. And there continued to be as each person who seemed to step forward, whom I admired and spoke with, came to enjoy the company of, faded to nothing. People I owed so much to faded. We had no explanations for this. Distraction was meant to keep us there. Were we not doing enough? It certainly felt that way.

It still feels that way. I have so many people on our list of missing, and I have not been able to find any patterns, any ways to keep them here immediately and with certainty. I feel an absolute failure for it, and for each name I add that I do not have a reason for.

I'm sorry I have never shared that particular part of my heart with you. I did not wish to burden, but I see I have erred in the other direction of looking an uncaring and callous brute. I truly hope everyone who has disappeared will return to us. Even those I do not know well enough to even have names for. And I hope that you can recover, that your friends who have remained are enough to see your through, since I cannot.

You needn't reply to this. I just wanted you to know that I meant every word I said at the meeting, that I'm sorry, and that I hope you can be all right. Please know that you can call on me if you require anything.

Best,
Monty

[squanderlust]

[and here Severa is, the wound still fresh, her pen flying off the page as she writes. it's the longest thing she's written in one sitting in what she believes may be ever, but the pain in her hand is nothing compared to the pain in her heart.]

Lord Navarro,

If you are so interested in having us bare our hearts to each other as though that is the only way for us to continue getting along, allow me to respond in kind.

Cordelia, my mother. Gaius, my father. Olivia, Lucina's mother. Chrom, Lucina's father and rightful Exalt of Ylisse. Sumia, Cynthia's mother. Frederick, Cynthia's father. Nowi, Nah's mother. Libra, Nah's father. Tharja, Noire's mother. Lon'qu, Noire's father. Panne, Yarne's mother. Lady Tiki, avatar of Naga. Robin, the greatest tactician the Ylissean army has ever known. Lissa, princess of Ylisse. Henry. You know him. Duke Virion and his vassal, Cherche. Basilio and Flavia, Khans of Ferox. Lady Maribelle of Themis. Princess Say'ri of Chon'sin. Miriel and Ricken and Gregor and Kellam and Vaike and Donnel. Queen Emmeryn of Ylisse and her retainer, Phila.

And when the clock turned back. When Naga brought us all to a timeline before Grima ravaged the land. Queen Emmeryn a second time. Robin a second time.

When I arrived here, all those I had not lost when Naga gave us our second chance. Inigo, Lucina's brother. Owain, Lucina's cousin. Cynthia, the woman I did not yet know I would grow to love. Brady, Lady Maribelle's son and a valued healer. Kjelle, Sully's daughter and a knight of no equal. Laurent, a brilliant mage and Miriel's son. Gerome, wyvern rider and son of Cherche. Yarne. Morgan. Surely you remember them.

And when I left for Nohr, the fortress faded from my memory. It was not lost forever, but it may as well have been. All my happiness. All my life experiences. All my growth as a person, all the warmth I had fostered in my breast. All of it, lost to the annals of memory.

When I arrived in Nohr, all I took with me were Owain and Inigo. Everyone who had survived Grima's attack was lost to me. Trapped in a pocket in space I could no longer return to without begging for another miracle from another of the gods. I accepted this willingly. I etched this pain into my heart for the sake of peace that I could not guarantee.

When I came back here from Nohr, I lost my daughter. My husband. My lady and the entire royal family. Lady Camilla. Lady Elise. Lord Leo and Lord Xander. The Ladies Corrin and Azura, who guided Nohr through its most troubled times with nothing but faith as their guide. I would go on, but I would hate to bore you at this point, Lord Navarro. Allow me to say for good measure that their lives are still in danger even if they do still exist, and I am one of three people who knows it. The weight of that entire world rests on my shoulders.

These lists say nothing of those I have lost while in the fortress. They say nothing of Hotaru Tachibana, to whom I bared my heart after the disappearance of the woman I loved most. Of Jonathan Joestar, the man who showed me that living in fear of Dio was not the only way to go through my life. Of Naminé, who even in her brief time taught me that being soft does not make one weak.

Of watching helplessly as I lost my father for a third time. Of seeing my beloved Noire unravel, then watching her head roll and her body crumble to dust as the madness overtook my body and I thought I could truly create something from nothing. Of wondering, time after time, will it ever be worth being honest with anyone? They won't remember me. They'll disappear like the others. Yarne again. Morgan again. Henry again, and then Henry again. Charlotte, the only other person from Nohr to ever come here. Lady Tiki again. Even an avatar of Naga can't stop this.

I have lived through three wars and come out with less and less after every victory. Even the smallest victories I allow myself to claim each day. The strength it takes to rise out of bed, knowing as I know all too well that today may be the day my Exalt disappears. Today may be the day I wake up alone. And if it were as simple as willing my heart to harden, I would have done it by now.

Do not ever speak to me of loss as though you understand what I have lived with since birth.

[poisoninmypocket]

Severa,

I will not fight battles of grief with you. We will both be losers at the end of it. I will simply continue to say I'm sorry for upsetting you further and hope there is something more that you can find with the people you consider close to you. I will not call on you again unless you contact me first.

Best,
Monty

[squanderlust]

You approached me with no regard for my own emotions solely to tell me the grief you feel over the people no longer with you. If you truly cared about me, rather than about making me feel sympathy for you, you would have been there at my side to offer me condolences, to speak to me, to hold me.

You started a battle of grief with me. I suppose we can add this to the scant pile of things you've lost.

[poisoninmypocket]

Goodnight, Severa, and be as well as you can be in this trying hour.

[That's his only reply. He's too frustrated with her. What had his first words been? To tell her sorry, to ask if she would be all right, to explain. She's beyond reasoning right now, and he's not going to throw himself against that wall when all she's going to do is keep hurting him when he tries to make amends.]